it's just that i need more time to settle things down and i hope i'll get through this life perfectly fine. but in my state right now,
i can't really find the right moment to do the right things. i've been neglecting my families especially my grandma, mom, you and all my
friends for not making time for you guys. i prayed for the impossible to have more than 24 hours a day or have at least 9 days a week
so that i could briefly manage my time well. i'm just adapting to this new world i'm facing and it's like a new island to settle down to.
assignments, projects and homeworks keep piling up everyday and i wish i was back in time like during secondary days where i could
rely on my teacher and sometimes bargain for test marks. in this new era im facing, it's a life of independence and a life where learning
is through your liking. it's up to us either to study or the otherwise. the grades are more strict and straight-forward. i need to catch up
alot and it's ALOT i mean because the syllibus in this new life is generally different. i hope paper and pen type of studying would come back.
i really miss those days where there's textbook to refer to and teachers to ask for help. my world have change by staring at the laptops for
maybe more than half a day everyday. my eyes could be hot at time and i really mean that. i should reschedule my time table to have more efficient
time for studies and outside activities. i could see myself changing not because i want it to but it's the new world that i need to adapt too. it's
hard for people to understand what condition and what situation i'm in now because i, myself can't figure out what state i'm in right now. in overall, i do appriciate
my class as most of them are good at their works and sometimes that would be an advantage for people like me where i'm left behind. there's no exam
for this semester and that is seriously a bad thing. a compilation of small tests would be accumulated for the exams. i'm not complaining but it's just
the fact that i need to face. since the day start, i've been missing meals just to study or finish up my work. it's a bad thing for me and i hope i'll
change my habits for the better. i need some motivation to go with life but i feel that school have been pulling me back all the time. i did'nt regret
choosing my choice of course althought it's not my liking. there's an advantage to this course as the future for me is bright if i could make it through.
i really hope my dream would come true. have you ever feel friends come and go? it's more worse after gradution. only people know the true meaning of
friendship would understand what i'm facing through. i'll carry on typing with my life. there's actually not much to talk about my life because my life
is like a ball turning in circles. it start from going to school with moodless feeling and going back with the same attitude. it's really a change of lifestyle
that i need to be able to live for the rest of my life here. hopefully that everyday would be a brand new day with brand new exciting activities to look forward
but its just not that. some people think that i seriously screwed up my life but i'm not blaming myself. i need time to think and sometimes i have none.
i hope that people could adapt with my change of the way i'm living. i'm not forcing anyone to follow the way i live but to just understand the way i am now.
by the way, just to add on, trust is a really difficult word to define. in my opinion, trust is just a word with alot of meaning and i, myself could not
come out with a specific describtion. the word for me actually means a relationship between two human being, being able to understand each other and
accepting the fact without any arguments. each and every one of you would have a different mind set of what trust means. this write-out is not consider one of any of
my personal recount or journal. it's a mistake that i would not reapeat and hopefully good fengshui would come. i meant it literally. i hope that my honest and
sincere writing would more or less makes you understand about me more than just judging me by my past. i really want my secondary life back but i always hope for
the impossible. i'm the type of person that normally would not express my feeling towards others but i need to reveal it so that you would know me better. just don't think
that my life is easy. it's a new island of that i need to live in for 3 more years and hopefully i could achieve my goals.
a typical sadist,amran
